A Great Loss

when was my last entry? erm..somewhere in august kan.
bkn sengaja nk neglect my blog..sementara my husband went to greece for his site visitation..blh la sy update blog..

actually tgh2 bulan puasa i was offered to further study (full time MBA) and about to bagi 'surat cinta' dekat bos. resignation letter mmg dah siap, tunggu nk bagi jer. but a day before sy nk bg surat tu, i was informed by another boss that there's a vacancy in Ipoh and to reply her in 2,3 days later. i was confused. to further study or to transfer..pro n cons semua dh list down. discussed with husband. mmg confuse sgt2. Allahuakbar..sy rasa Allah nk bg rezeki utk kami duduk sama2..

a week before raya
semua org (including me) busy for raya preparation kan. me and sister busy planning for her daughter's bday celeb raya nanti.konon nk bake various of cakes..but..
i was shocked when receive call from mama telling that abah admitted with serious internal bleeding.
suppose balik Kelantan on Friday, mama called on Tuesday..but me, sister n bro mmg takleh nak duduk diam dah. then we decide balik on Thursday..
abah admitted at HDW in Hosp. Sultanah Zainab which org ramai mmg tak blh simply masuk and bkn mcm wad biasa.
abah dah go thru byk procedure dah time tu: colonoscopy, endoscopy, angiogram, various types of scans. byk loss blood and taktau la dah brapa belas paket darah dah masuk. and tak blh makan since admitted, badan makin weak.. :(
tapi blh chit chat lagi dgn abah..lap badan, buang janggut dia and sempat lagi bergurau. abah cakap tak sabar nk balik beraya kt umah dgn family semua..but abah getting weaker and doc suspect ada bleed lagi dkt blood vessel.

raya
a day before raya, abah kena buat 2nd time angiogram dekat USM. but this time around, doc bg morphin sbb abah dh mmg weak sgt.
kami satu family beraya kt hospital. about 3, 4 days later abah baru sedar. but hari suppose balik kl dah :( tapi me n bro decide to stay another 1 day (sampai gaduh dgn my bos, sbb sy mtk extend cuti and it was my 1st day to report in Ipoh) tp nk buat mcmana, abah sakit and abah baru sedar time tu, tak sampai hati nk tinggal kan dia. kitorg 1 family mmg happy tgk dia blh makan and minum.

a week after raya
according to my sis, lps abah sedar mmg dia mtk macam2, air soya, ice lemon tea etc. but my sis pun kena balik Penang dulu then baru blh mtk cuti lagi..
semua anak2 dia dah balik, tinggal mama jer..time ni abah mmg getting weak and weaker. doc kata yg part bleeding tu dah stop but ada infection dkt lung plk sbb kuman dah merebak sbb dia dah weak and tak blh nk fight. :(
so, he was sedated to receive mechanical ventilation Wednesday and mama called us adik beradik on that day. seriously mmg tak blh nk buat keja..
can u imagine, sy report on Tuesday, Thursday sy balik Kelantan with husband.. alhamdulillah bos dkt branch mmg faham dgn keadaan sy.
all i can do is only recite surah Yassin and bacaan2 lain sampai hari Ahad which i have to go back to Ipoh. abah mmg tak sedar dah time tu. and kitorg plan nk gilir2 jaga abah like this week, my sister dulu yg jaga, next week sy plk. mmg berat hati nk tinggalkan abah with that condition..

2 weeks after raya.
hari Ahad sy balik ke Ipoh..
Isnin kerja mcm biasa..
hari Selasa, 8am masa tu otw nak pegi kerja. my aunt called and informed abah dah tenat. Masya Allah.. terus rasa mcm tak blh nk drive. lutut dah ketar. astaghfirullahal'azim..
try to contact my husband, tak jawab. hntr sms. dia call his BIL whom is a doc. Husband;s BIL called hosp and he adviced us utk balik cpt2..
sy mmg tarus tak masuk office, tunggu husband balik which took him 1hr plus to reach home.
1jam mmg masa yg amat panjang pd ketika itu. i keep on calling mama and sis. tp dgr suara mereka pun mmg dh blh agak keadaan abah mcmana. :`(
about 10am, husband sampai umah, tak perlu nk pack sgt sbb baju balik hari tu pun blm unpack semua lagi. 10.30am dah gerak dah, husband drive xtau mcm apa dah. sy mmg tak henti istighfar.
but half an hour later, kitorg dkt2 k.kangsar, mama called and bagitau, "Jaja, mtk Ikram drive elok2 k, nanti kita jumpa kt KB. sabar byk2 n doa byk2 utk abah, abah dah takde dah.."
i keep on crying and crying sampai sakit kepala mcm nak pecah. :(
we reached at hosp around 3pm, masa tu arwah dah siap dimandikan n dikafankan. sempat la sy tgk arwah..alhamdulillah muka arwah senyum jer..
arwah disembahyangkan lps waktu asar and dikebumikan dkt tanah perkuburan dkt umah jer.
so far, kami tak pernah miss visit pusara arwah everytime kitorg balik..

kehilangan arwah mmg bg impact yg besar utk kami 1 family sbb arwah tak pernah sakit seblm ni.arwah seorg yg health conscious; daily exercise, food intake, supplement intake.. arwah sakit utk 3minggu sahaja. mmg tragik buat kami sekeluarga.

Allahuakbar. Allah Maha Besar. Allah blh tarik apa sahaja dgn sekelip mata.
hargai lah parents kamu semua sementara mereka masih ada.

Ya Allah Ya Rahman Ya Rahim,
Ampunkanlah dosa arwah, jauhi arwah dari seksaan kubur dan seksaan api neraka,
lapangkanlah kubur arwah, sinarilah dan hiasilah kubur arwah seperti taman2 di syurga, tempatkan arwah di kalangan org2 yg beramal soleh..

Al- fatihah..